Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
