apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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