My room smells like vodka and shame
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
