Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
