The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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