doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
