i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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