You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
