He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
