You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm at about main and main street
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
