Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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