I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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