Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
