How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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