Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
