All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You need a sexual gate keeper
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
