We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
