Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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