I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
