I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
