distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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