my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
