Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
