she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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