I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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