I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
