just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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