seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
