I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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