"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
