so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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