I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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