There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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