My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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