When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drake has all the answers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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