did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
