When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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