Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
