She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
