he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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