I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
