can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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