i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
