I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
