Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
