But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
