Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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