I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
