There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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