You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You did what with his pubic hair?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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