we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
