I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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