even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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