are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
His nipple licking is glorious
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