i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
