If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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