Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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