i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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