I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
