What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
