New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
