theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
