Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
