just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
