member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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