Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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