Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's paint friendship bongs
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
