Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
