Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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