matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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