You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
