I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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