my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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