I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
