I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
