I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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