So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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