Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
