Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
