Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
zippers are such a cool invention
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
